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.: confessions of a burning soul :.

well behaved women rarely make history

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Music addict
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Lady Leo
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January 13th, 2007

my legs feel like jello...

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Music addict
I'm so exhausted from snowboarding yesterday. If you can call it snowboarding. I need new boots. Bad. 

And now I'm sick....Yay me.

January 5th, 2007

why?

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Music addict
It amazes me how shallow, self-absorbed and cold you can be. 
Why did you feel the need to treat me the way that you did? Did you not realize that I called you several times to meet up with you before you left the country?? Or did you just not care? I'm assuming the latter since you made NO attempt to contact me after you got back to the states and I later find out you decided to spend your last night with your "stripper friends." I'm really not surprised.
What did I ever do to you?!?!?! I was always there whenever you needed me. I supported you and when others basically told you to Fuck off, I stayed and remained your friend. Yes, I'm hurt by your actions but I'm considering the source too. I'm not surprised that you don't have many close friends.
Is it because I'm more secure in who I am than you? Is it because I'm honest and see you for who you are? What's the deal?!?!
Is it because we can't trade clothes? Is it some stupid and insignificant reason? Honestly, nothing I can think of makes sense to me.
Whatever the reason, I'd like to know. Just for shits and giggles.

November 23rd, 2006

(no subject)

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Music addict
Happy Thanksgiving!!!

November 14th, 2006

Thhhuuuuuperrrrr!

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Chimpy smile
Yay! my very first LJ post using my shiny new laptop!!

November 11th, 2006

Um...weird

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word.dawg
I really dont like it when I have dreams about a friend. A sexual dream about a friend. A sexual dream involving a close male friend. I hate that feeling that you get when you see that person again after you've had the dream. The whole akward, weird, "Oh my god, does he KNOW?!" feeling. Although, I will say it was damn good...and has got me thinking. A dangerous thing I know. No, no, stop...we can't go there, Carmen. *But damnit, it was good!* I'll have to file that somewhere for future reflection.
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November 8th, 2006

Shut up!

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STFU
I'm so sick of people saying how it's SO rainy out and WOW, I can't believe it's going to rain alllllll week. OH NO! Get the fuck over it. You live in Oregon ya moron, it happens! It's the price we pay to have it so green and lush here. So shut yer trap.

November 7th, 2006

Bad Sex...
By Natalie and Fabulana (courtesy of HBI)

If you aren't still a virgin, then at some point you've had it. You know... the REALLY BAD SEX. Sometimes the only way you can talk about it is if you are plied with alcohol. Other experiences are just so funny, you HAVE to tell someone.

The thing that may surprise most guys is that while men may talk about sex in the locker rooms in euphemistic terms, (and we know they are renowned for lying to their buddies), Heartless Bitches talk about sex with other women in EXPLICIT, GRAPHIC, terms, and they NEVER LIE.

Think about it guys. Girls DO kiss and tell. We talk about penis size. We talk about kissing techniques. We talk about love-making techniques and fucking techniques. We talk about guys who are incredible in bed, and where appropriate, we laugh like hell at the ones who were just terrible. Heartless as we are, we DO cut some slack for the new or inexperienced guys. They're not the type that end up getting skewered by the Heartless Bitch wit.

So how does a guy get it on with a Heartless Bitch without fear that he’s going to be the laughing stock later? Every woman has her likes and dislikes, so no technique for sex is universal – no matter what they try to sell you in books and magazines…. but we can start by providing a list of DON’Ts. These are the things we agree turn us off completely.

DON’T forget hygiene! Take some time in the bathroom BEFORE you get her in the bedroom and CLEAN UP. Wash a bit down there fer chrissakes! I can’t think of a bigger turn off than a guy who hasn’t wiped his ass properly… And wash your hands thoroughly before – maybe you were cutting up jalapeno peppers, or maybe your hands are just dirty – but I don’t need to experience either the pain or a yeast infection because you didn’t take the time to wash up…

And on that note, for the beardless, DON’T FORGET TO SHAVE. Jake Gyllenhall was quoted as saying that his experience kissing co-star Heath Ledger in “BrokeBack Mountain” was “Exfoliating”. I laughed my ass off at that. At LAST! A man finally TRULY experiences what it is like to kiss a guy who hasn’t shaved. Karma, I tell you! Now if EVERY man could experience that just once, maybe they’d be a bit more understanding. Stubble isn’t sexy. It’s lazy and it’s painful. Kissing is NO FUN with stubble. It HURTS. And you aren’t getting anywhere near my clit with serious stubble.(and here’s a word to the wise: Shaving with a blade makes a guy MUCH more kissable).

DON’T start “talking dirty” the first time you get her in bed. Or even the second. Some girls like that – but you need to take time to figure out if that’s part of the play or not. Don’t immediately assume it is a turn on for her because you heard some guy do it in a porn flick. Most guys who try to "talk dirty" just sound dumb.

Unless your relationship was started out of a mutual interest in kink, DON’T suggest anything remotely kinky the first time in bed – or for that matter until you know the person REALLY REALLY well.

DON'T give me an Olympic gold medal routine of all your best moves with the LAST girlfriend; I don't want to walk a mile in her figure skates when we're in bed. If I can tell you EXACTLY what your last girlfriend was into after having sex with you, you're not paying enough attention to ME. A new partner is a discovery, not a replacement, and each experience is a new one. That's not to say you have to reinvent the wheel with every new partner, or that it isn't useful to develop technique over time (we give thanks, indeed, to all those who went before!). We just don't want a mechanical performance, no matter what the artistic merit. Good intimacy involves being PRESENT in the moment.

DON’T withhold all sounds and emotions. Would you like it if she just laid there and made NO noise, and did NOTHING to give you feedback? If you like something, let her know! You don’t have to scream like an out-control-hyena, but don’t hold everything back either. God knows, we have no desire to fuck a corpse.

DON’T jam your fingers up her crotch and see how many you can stuff in there. Most men have NO idea what to do with their hands and are exceedingly clumsy when it comes to “fingering” women. Let her guide you. If she likes it, she’ll indicate where and how.

DON’T forget that the labia, clitoris and vagina are sensitive areas. If you are in the midst of foreplay remember: Just because a woman is turned on and responding, doesn’t mean you should start jamming your fingers harder and harder into her crotch (with or without clothing). Firm, gentle pressure is sufficient... Pay attention to her responses!

DON’T mention how big your penis is. EVER. Phrases like, “Oooh baby, I’m gonna give you all eight inches!” are likely to induce fits of giggling if not immediately, then certainly later when she is with her girlfriends. ESPECIALLY if you are substantially less than the quoted inches. Believe it or not, we DO have some clue how big eight inches is.

Unless you are waiting for a call from a dying relative, or you are on pager duty for work, DON’T take a phone call in the middle of sex. ESPECIALLY not on the first night you spend with someone.

Unless you’ve said it outside of the bedroom, DON’T use the “I love you” phrase IN the bedroom. Or on the kitchen table, or on the sofa, or anywhere else you decide to have sex.

DON’T immediately assume the woman wants you to go down on her without asking. Sure some girls really enjoy it but for others, it's a surefire way to give her a yeast infection. Not everyone's the same and until you know my personality and my anatomy better you could at least ask, and don't act like it's a blow to your ego (pun intended) if it's not what *I* want.

DON’T do anything for her if YOU don’t like it, but you think it’s something she wants. That’s akin to a mercy fuck, and what self-respecting woman wants that? Be honest; if you really aren't into something, don't try it just because you think you are supposed to "service" your woman. This isn't an auto bay and you aren't the mechanic. MY pleasure isn't something you do to me, it's something I feel, so don't try to take macho credit for it (i.e., "who's your daddy?"). The best sex is going to be with someone who gets off on their partner's arousal and overall warm feelings. Baby, if you don’t LOVE what you are doing, don’t do it. I’ve got a vast and varied repertoire. We don’t have to do anything that doesn’t completely turn you on.

Apropos, be comfortable with your own desires, and be able to give AND TAKE pleasure. Nothing has a more chilling effect on the male sex drive than confusion (and believe us, this little secret works wonders if what you really want is to shut down the machinery!). In the consensual playpen, if you're confused, ASK. If what you're doing ain't working, don't look at US like WE'RE the problem. When the nonverbal communication breaks down, that's what words are for. If you avoid the "macho mechanic" and "gold medal figure skater" mentalities, it shouldn't come to this anyway.

DON’T get all huffy if she wants to touch herself or control her own pleasure in any way, as if that takes agency and masculine power away from you! That's my biggest peeve. Guys who think your pleasure is something that they DO TO you, rather than something YOU EXPERIENCE. The means becomes more important to them than the ends. That's when you know the sex with you is really all about them--laying you makes them a bigger man, or something. We see it a lot in immature men.

DON’T “command” her to come. If she wants to come, she’ll come. We are very good at directing traffic and letting you know what they need. They are not there to put on a command performance for you. And here’s a newsflash – sometimes it’s not all about the orgasm. Sometimes, the journey is more important than the destination. After all, that’s what tantra is all about…

That being said, DON’T forget about her pleasure completely and treat her like a sex toy. You are having sex with a PARTNER – another PERSON… make sure you remain involved in that and get so caught up in your own pleasure that you forget the other person is there. It isn’t all about you and it isn’t all about her.

DON’T assume that only the front of a person is sexy, or that if she turns her back to you, she’s done. Hello! It COULD be Invitation City...

Basically the worst sexual encounters we have had involve someone whose repressed or macho attitudes get in the way of intimacy. Sex is an intimate experience at its best (by definition--duh) so there is nothing enticing or fun about mechanical performance freaks who've been drilled to think they know what women want. The idea that you can know me based on whatever you've heard or done before is insulting, and unimaginative.
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November 1st, 2006

Good grief...

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Fun girls
No pun intended in the title. Especially since I'm still grieving for my Grandpa. Anywho...

This last week has been absolutely crazy. Crazy busy, that is. 

Eric took off all of last week for his birthday (10/26) and didn't have to go back to work until today. And Jen, Sharna's cousin, came in to town from LA on Thursday. Also, Scott left for hunting on the 20th and didnt get back until the 29th so I've been pretty much hanging out with them and David all this last week. I took off Thursday and Friday to make sure I had enough energy to party. 

Wednesday we all went to Reggae vs. Hip Hop at John Henry's. That's always a good time. I haven't been in so long too so it was nice to hear some good music. Even Suze came out and partied with us! Pita pit was a must afterward
Thursday I spent most of the day preparing for my Oral presentation for Spanish class. I got a 73/100. Eh. I hate that class. I'm hoping to pass it with a C. After dinner we all went to 80's night at John Henry's since it was Eric's birthday and Jen just got in town. I made sure the DJ wished him a Happy Birthday then played MJ's Thriller. I bought him and Sharna a ride in the rickshaw - just so we can keep the tradition going! Headed to IHOP after shaking our money makers. That place has got to see their fair share of drunk idiots on any given night. 
Friday was low key. I rode up with David in the morning to Corvallis so he could take care of some shit so he could get in to the apartment Jon and him are looking at. Came back to town and rallied the troops for some breakfast at Turtles. Mmmm.....pepperjack cauliflower soup. Delish. Made our way to Berg's and the ski swap. Didnt find anything so I went home and napped. Later that night we headed to Cornucopia for dinner then the Old Pad where we cracked out on Word Dojo and smoked from the Hooka. Apricot flavored tobacco is the greatest. 
Satuday I slept in until noon (which was a must) then joined Eric, Jen and Sharna to watch the Men's game at Agnes Stewart. That pitch was super nice and they won against the Quake too. Went to the drink up after the game instead of the Duck game. That was worth it. Jen and Eric never have been to a Rugby social and those of you familiar with the atmosphere know that it's not for the faint of heart. We even busted out "S&M Man" and "I used to work in Chicago." Also, there were 4 Zulu's to be done and even with the cold weather, it was a sight to see. My favorite Zulu is still Corey's. Hehe. Needless to say, Jen and Eric thoroughly enjoyed themselves and had a great time. 
Later that night we headed to the Floater concert at the McDonald for their new CD release show. It was fantastic. We sat upstairs on the balcony and had a great view of the stage without being hot and sweaty. After getting dropped off at home I went over to Ryan and Lesli's costume party sans costume and lost 5 bucks in poker. When I draw pocket rockets and get 2 Queens on the flop, I'm sure as shit not going to fold. Ryan got a ten on the river for his straight and sucked me out. Bastard. 
Sunday  I slept in until 1:30. Damn, that felt so good. Cleaned house, did some homework and waited for Scott to get home. Wow. Was that a homecoming or what!?!? Got dressed and ready to go the the 3rd Annual Halloween edition of the Burlesque Show and John Henry's. Spooktacular! Ducked out after the 2nd set since I had to work at 6:30. Ugh. 
Monday was work and school. After school and before my second shift at work I scoped out my options for a costume. Picked up a black Fedora, nylons, black pants, a white collared shirt and a tie. Scott picked up a tie, a driving hat and a light colored suit. We dressed, picked up David and we all went to the Private "Speakeasy style" party at John Henry's (I'm noticing a pattern here...). All drinks were on special, free pool, free food, candy and a DJ. It was sweet! Evin was looking damn hot in his suit waving his can around. Left way too late too. 
Tuesday was more work and school. Came home and took a long nap which was so needed. Staying out late and waking up early is a recipe for getting sick and that sure as shit isn't going to happen. Went to Burger and Brew with Eric, Scott and Dave then came home and got ready for Bags' and Lauren's party. Their house is so awesome. One whole side is nothing but windows from floor to ceiling and they decked the whole place in Halloween garb. They even had a ping pong table for Beer pong. Dave and Dale went as Jay and Silent Bob and the resemblance was fucking uncanny. Best costume of the night in my opinion. Second best was Bags, Garth and a couple other guys as the A-team. They even had the Van. Priceless. 
I'm so dragging ass this morning. I would skip out on Spanish but damnit, as much as a I hate that class, I still need to go. Ugh. After that, I'm sleeping until 8. 

Pictures coming soon.

October 16th, 2006

James Edward Welker II

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Crying
I'm numb. I'm in shock. My heart hurts...it aches and feels as though it has been ripped from my chest. Even sitting here typing brings on a bout of tears. On Saturday October 14th, 2006 my grandfather died. Died, I say. Dead. Not coming back, not on vacation, never will be seen again. I can't even process this information right now. I don't know what to do, what to say, how to act. Even 'being' right now is hard. It took me 3 years to deal with and grieve for my grandma and this...this is just too much.
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October 12th, 2006

I popped my Henna cherry...

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Chimpy smile
So while at school yesterday, I walked through the Street Fair and came upon a Henna booth. I looked through the books and decided, why the hell not? Xavier is really cool and it was fun to sit and talk with her. She's from Portland and can be found at the Saturday Market in downtown. She did an excellent job and I am thouroughly pleased with the work she did. I took this picture about an hour or so after it was done so it had already begun to crack and flake off. A few hours later I took the remainder off and have a very nice shade of henna on my skin. I love how she incorporated the sun and my astrological sign(s). I am thinking of going back and getting some work done on my hand. 

 

Now I really really really really really want to get my tattoo done.
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